Grief has a funny way of finding people. For me, it found me this past weekend with my friend Taylor’s 1 year anniversary of his passing. For lack of a better term, Grief moved in and became my neighbor. It’s not leaving anytime soon either. I never really understood grief until recently. Sometimes it’s weird, you can be completely fine – and then a song comes on, or an anniversary date passes, reread old text, listen to an old voice message, etc. You get my point, but grief finds you in the midst of weird moments.
I saw a social media post describing grief as two situations which are highlighted below.
Grief is like Glitter. Initially when something happens that initiates grief (like a loved one passing), glitter explodes all over the room. It goes in your hair, your clothes, your couch, the floor – everywhere. It’s one situation where you think, “maybe if I just vacuum up the glitter, it’ll disappear”. Initially it does until that ray of sunshine hits where the glitter exploded, then you see more glitter. Or maybe one day you are sitting on your couch and lift your cushions and then you see that the glitter got underneath the couch cushion and you need to vacuum there too. Glitter never disappears, and neither does grief. It’s just in some moments you find it, and in others you don’t.
Patrick Droney words this analogy well to picture grief like glitter in his song, “Glitter”. The lyrics state:
“See grief, it’s just like glitter
It’s hard to brush away
Bright light and it still shimmers
Like it was yesterday
And it falls like confetti
All of the memories explode like a hand grenade
And it’s sweet and it’s bitter
Grief, it’s like glitter
Oh, what a mess it makes
What a mess it makes
Past denial and the rage
The what if and the praying on the hardest days
You accept what you can’t change
But no one really dies if the love remains
Yeah, nothing that dies really goes away
See grief, it’s just like glitter
It’s hard to brush away
Bright light and it still shimmers
Like it was yesterday
And it falls like confetti
All of the memories explode like a hand grenade
And it’s sweet and it’s bitter
Grief, it’s like glitter
Oh, what a mess it makes
What a mess it makes“
The other situation I heard through an Instagram video. This lady painted the clearest description of Grief that I’ve ever heard it described as. Grief on day 1 is like a box (time), a ball, and a button (let’s view the button as the grief activator). The ball and the box are all the same size and the button is constantly getting pushed. As time goes on, the ball stays the same size, but the box grows. The ball starts to bounce around the box and sometimes it never hits the button, but other days it hits the button a lot and causes grief to “activate” in life.
Both of these descriptions just hit hard for me. The two analogies of grief paint it in such a vivid way that help me understand what is happening when it shows up unexpectedly. With it hitting these past few days, I’ve been reminded that while grief can feel overwhelming in the moment, it is often temporary. The intensity lowers. Even with it lowering in intensity, it’s not because I miss my friend Taylor any less, you just learn how to somehow live with it as time goes on.
What I’ve learned over the past year is that grief doesn’t shrink. Instead, life slowly grows around it. There are days when the ball doesn’t hit the button. There are days when the glitter stays hidden beneath the couch cushions. Then there are days when a song, a memory, or a date on the calendar brings everything rushing back. Grief is a reflection of love and a showcase that something mattered. It had purpose, it had value, and it had meaning and that is something worth noting.
As much as I wish Taylor was still here, I’m grateful for what his friendship meant to my life. The grief I feel is evidence that his life mattered and that the impact he had didn’t end on the day he passed. Some days grief feels heavy. Other days it feels more like gratitude. But both remind me that I was fortunate enough to have a friend worth missing.
There’s a poem I heard that talks about Grief and I want to end this blog post with that. Enjoy.
“You don’t move on after loss, but you must move with.
You must shake hands with grief, welcome it to its new home, it lives with you now.
Pull up a chair at the table and offer it comfort.
Grief is not a monster you thought it was originally when it moved in.
Grief is love.
Grief will walk with you now, stay with you now, peacefully. If you let it.
And on the days when it’s hard and challenging to move on, remember why grief came, remember what it represents…
Remember…
Grief came to you because Love came first.
Love came first.”
Don’t give up when it gets hard. Feel and process. Remember grief exists because you loved deeply and that is what matters.
Thoughts by Ryan 
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