Who Am I?

There was a song released yesterday from Brandon Lake and Nick Jonas, and it’s called “The Author”. Long story short, the song is about the aspect of questioning where we are going in life but needing to trust in the path that God has for us. Trusting that God has good plans in store for us is the something that I feel like keeps Faith strong.

In my personal life, I relate to this song more than I expected and that’s why when it came out last night, I felt an immediate connection. Over the past six years, since COVID and graduating college, there has been a stretch of life that’s felt “full”. There’s been loss, uncertainty, growth, and a lot in between. Losing my grandparent, my childhood dog, and a close friend to cancer. Navigating career uncertainty, my parents’ health, and even my own. It’s been a defining season that truly has been pivotal and life defining.

If you’ve read some of my past blogs, you’ve probably seen pieces of my story shown in those blogs. Those moments get highlighted often because they’re experiences I still process, even now. In a lot of ways, they’ve shaped how I think, how I move through life, and who I feel like I want to become someday.

I once heard someone describe your 20s as the “crawling stage” of adulthood. You’re figuring things out in real time while life keeps moving. You are trying to learn how to handle change, responsibility, relationships, and uncertainty, all at once. Some friendships grow deeper, others fade and with that you start to see who shows up when life gets hard.

This decade of my 20’s has also been where my faith became real. There have been many moments where I’ve questioned things. Why certain struggles stick around, why my path looks different than others, why some friendships didn’t last, or whether I am even where I am supposed to be.

And that’s where this song’s lyrics stepped in and hit me.

The idea that God is the Author of all of our stories is amazing. Even when I don’t understand the chapter I’m in, or I am just having a rough period of life – “The Author” is writing my story and good will come, and things will make sense eventually. That perspective doesn’t magically answer every question in the moment, but it does change how I live through those periods in my life. It reminds me that not everything has to make sense right now to still have purpose. It reminds me that somethings ultimately are out of my control and I have to put it in God’s bag to handle.

Some of the lyrics in that song I referenced in the earlier portion of this blog post are:

I see trauma, I see worthless
You see something You can work with
I see weakness, I see failure
You see something good on paper
I’ve seen ashes to beauty
I’ve felt heaven working through me
I’ve seen panic turn to power
Felt Your peace in my darkest hour
What grace is this?
Called me by name again and again and again
What grace is this?
Crossed out my shame, forgives me again and again and again
(So) Who am I, who am I
Am I just a poor preacher’s prodigal son
A troubled child, running wild
Chasing the glory instead of the One
Who says that I, even I – have something (still left) to offer
(So) Who am I, who am I
To question the pen in the hands of The Author
I’m ink in the pen in the hands of The Author

Trusting that God has you exactly where you are supposed to be will free you. This is something that I need to hear, but I am also hoping it speaks to someone today too that reads this. Your story is never finished. If you are in a spot where things seem confusing, challenging, overwhelming – just know that God is not done writing your story. Things will change and you will get to that spot that eventually will make sense. I always refer to hindsight as 20/20 vision, and the reason behind that is because you can see exactly what has happened in your life with full clarity of why those moments didn’t work out and why God intervened when He was supposed to. Things are not complete until they are good. Remember that.

The Author hasn’t stepped away. Your story is still being written, and that is enough to keep moving forward knowing the best is YET to come.