The Soundtracks of my Life

“To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under Heaven” – Ecclesiastes 3:1 (KJV).

Have you ever sat and reflected on your playlist? Yes, the one on your music streaming app that holds all the songs you have liked or added to playlists with creative titles. I recently found myself reflecting on all the songs in my liked music. I can look at each one and see how the songs liked during certain seasons of my life are reflective of what I was walking through at the time.

Some of those songs, when I put them on now, immediately transport me back to the moment I added them to my liked playlist. I feel the same emotions and remember how much those songs meant to me in that season. Those songs reflected my emotions in ways I couldn’t quite find the words for at the time. They became the soundtrack of my life. Looking back, I can see how each song fits into its own season. They served a purpose in the moment they were added. It’s just like the Bible mentions above in Ecclesiastes, that every season under Heaven carries meaning, even when we don’t fully understand it at the time. For me, that meaning was reflected in the music I listened to.

In 2021, it was a very uncharted year for my family. My mom started the year with a lump in her body. After several doctor visits, the lump was deemed cancerous and required surgical removal. With that came a season of uncertainty for my family. We didn’t know if chemotherapy, radiation, or other treatments would follow. All we knew at the time was that surgery was inevitable, and we would evaluate the journey after we had a clearer picture.

On the day of her surgery, I sat in the hospital parking lot while my mom went in for the cancer removal. I had a song playing in my car: “Wait on You” by Maverick City and Elevation Worship. That song anchored me in that moment. I sat there, letting the lyrics wash over the circumstance, my spiritual walk, and the situation as I prayed. The lyrics say:

“God, if You said it, You’ll perform it,
May not be how I want You to,
But here’s what I will do,
I’m going to wait on You.
I’m going to wait on You.”

Those lyrics gave me a supernatural strength in that parking lot that day. They reminded me, and my soul, that God had not forgotten me, my family, or my mom. One of the things taught in church is that God always has good plans for us, even when the circumstances don’t look like it. His plans are good, and He is good, even when situations feel impossible.

In May of 2021, my mom made it through surgery and came out cancer-free. Reflecting back now, I can see that God truly had us that day. I know not everyone has fortunate outcomes when it comes to cancer, but almost five years later, my mom is still cancer-free and continuing to live life normally. It is such a blessing to see how God orchestrated her surgery in a way that allowed her to continue living a full life. He led the doctors to find the cancer early, before it could spread throughout her body. It reflects exactly what “Wait on You” speaks to in its lyrics—waiting on the Lord to renew our strength and trusting that He can redeem something good, even in the midst of something as hard as cancer.

With my mom’s cancer journey, there was another artist who came into my life in 2021 through America’s Got Talent that became tied to a foundational song for me over the past few years. In 2021, Nightbirde auditioned for AGT. For those who may not be familiar with her story, Nightbirde had been diagnosed with terminal cancer herself. She shared that she was given only a 2% chance of survival, but she said that 2% was not 0%, and she wished people could see how beautiful that still was. That perspective really stuck with me over the years.

It stayed with me through that first summer after my mom’s cancer diagnosis, through my friend Taylor’s cancer battle, and through life itself. Life is hard, but life is also beautiful, and it deserves to be experienced and lived fully, even in the midst of the hard. Don’t let hardship stop you from living.

During her AGT audition, Nightbirde performed a song called “It’s OK.” The lyrics are some of the most raw and impactful I have ever heard in music. The lyrics say:

“I thought that all my problems, they would stay behind
I was a stick of dynamite and it just was a matter of time, yeah
Oh dang, oh my, now I can’t hide
Said I knew myself, but I guess I lied

It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright
It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay
If you’re lost
We’re all a little lost and it’s alright
It’s alright, it’s alright
It’s alright, it’s alright”

This song is one that comes on in my car now, and I just have to pause. I think about everything I’ve been through and reflect on where I am today. I think about the people I’ve lost to cancer, like Taylor Blanton. I think about my mom’s cancer battle. I think about myself and my own health challenges, and about feeling lost at times at 28 years old while trying to navigate life.

Knowing that I’m not alone in feeling lost in the midst of life’s hardships is comforting. Having this song as part of the soundtrack of my life over the past few years has been a reminder that it’s okay to feel lost, because everyone is on their own journey, just trying to live faithfully in the day-to-day.

I can assure you there are countless artists I could list from my own playlist and tell you the story behind every single one. The why of that song, what it made me feel, and which season of life it belonged to when I first heard it play through my speakers. Noah Kahan, Ashley Cooke, Dolly Parton, Brandon Lake, Kelsea Ballerini, and so many others are just a few names tied to moments that became part of the soundtrack of my life.

Each song carries a memory, a feeling, and a season that once needed it. Looking back, I can see how none of them were random. They showed up when I needed comfort, strength, honesty, or hope, even when I didn’t realize it at the time. For me, God used music to meet me in those seasons, to remind me that I wasn’t alone, and to carry me through moments I didn’t yet have the words for. And as life continues to unfold, I know the soundtrack will keep changing, but the purpose behind each season will always remain.